ARGHHHHH! I am like all jittery. I need to relax, and scrolling through my itunes library I can’t seem to find anything to calm me down. Not even my usuals that I blast to just bring me down a notch are working.
Does this mean I need new music? If so, then what?
It’s my last Friday on island. I was planning on a huge night out. I’ve got everything planned. Dress. Nails. Heels. Bag. Lipgloss colour to match. And this morning, 3 people pulled out. Which leaves 3 of us. But one is already on her way ‘coz she has issues at the moment that only drinking at 10am can solve, and the other just called up to say she woke up to a stranger (a married one at that) in her bed.
That leaves.. Oh just me.
I also need to squeeze all my family in too. Tomorrow is our usual family breakfast, which I’m sweet with. Then family dinner, (because my Uncle leaves for NZ early Sunday morning), which I’m also sweet as with. Sunday is “Lotu Tamaiti” or “White Sunday”. A big event with Samoans, and even more so, in Samoa. I’m booked to go to watch my cousin perform and his Samoan church, followed by tona’I (huge feast, always on Sundays.. Even bigger on White Sunday) at my Aunty and Uncles house, which is all good with me also.
My Aunty said that I could go and stay at their place for my last 2 nights on island.
I’m not too sure on this part of the plan.
I would really like to stay here, ‘coz well.. This is my home, ya know? But then I don’t wanna offend her by not staying at her place, ‘coz I’ve promised my little cousin that I will stay over “one day”.. However that day has never come and it’s time for me to leave.
Then I also have to factor in the other side of my family who I’m assuming would like to see me before I go, but I hear that I have cousins from the Hawkes Bay staying with them (and I don’t want to see those cousins).
I wanna keep my leaving as low key as possible at work too. As in, “see ya guys tomorrow” and then me not be here the next day haha. Especially since my house keeping cousin wants to give me all this stuff for my nana and hellz no am I taking that excess weight over with me. I know she can’t afford to get anything either, soooo I lied to her and said I was leaving in November haha.
I don’t want my 2009 adventure to end. This has been the hardest leg of my journey to say goodbye to (for lotsa different reasons). I have a bad feeling that I’m going to be sobbing like a big sook at the airport… I hate crying. I hate people who cry. I find myself hating me when I cry haha and then I cry at the fact that I let my guard down and actually cried infront of people. Confused? Yea I thought so. I am too. Lolz
This is a ramble and semi rant because I’m not ready to leave. Actually, I think I just don’t want to because after a year of “transition” I finally got my “gap year” and I small want every year to be a gap year.
I don’t want to be a grown up. Hahaha It sucks!
Im getting so sentimental over shit. This is so not me. I find myself getting teary watching shit on tv (like, the mass funeral service they broadcast for the tsunami victims) and even doing things like packing my bag.
Wow this is a really long blog. A thousand apologies.
I know I will be back, but it won’t be the same. I’ll be just another tourist who stays for 2 weeks and then fucks off again.
I haven’t even left yet, and I already miss the people, the place, and the lifestyle.
The End. (for now).
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