my 'big' little sister

my poor baby sister. (who's taller than me!) so this year she got sent down to go this sports academy because she's an amazing netballer. we were all like, oh that's you girl! sliver fern in the making. anywho to cut a long story short, missy moo is not doing good at all. she doesn't want to return next year to the academy, and everything is "i dunno" when you try find out what's going on.

16 years old and knows bloody everything.

now.. i feel slightly guilt because last year when i found out she was coming down i was super excited. finally, my own little sister coming down and we can hang out, and be the best of friends, i imagined the things we'd to, the places we'd go, the secrets we'd share. just like how my friends are with their sisters, but...

she was way too cool for all that. she wanted to do her own thing. she didn't care about quality bonding time with her big sister (that's never really been there) she had her own agendas.

so i was all like, well shit, do your own thing then. i don't need a "little miss attitude" all up in here.

but after talking to my aunty over an impromptu hot chocolate i'm guilty of letting my little sister down.

it is my JOB as a big sister to be as annoying as hell, but one day she'll realise that it was all outta love. but i haven't done my job. i haven't been to ANY of her games, i haven't been there when she needed me the most- which is the times when she said she was fine but she really wasn't.

yes, i know that i should come to this realization in her first few months here, but it's only just hit me and her school year is almost over. i have no idea what to do to make it up to her. because when i do things for people, i expect nothing but gratitude, love and respect back from them.

however, she is all "in love" with her stupid ass little boyfriend (who, may i add is a whole head and shoulders shorter than her lmao) and that's the only person she wants.

i feel that, because i haven't been around (we've got the same dads, i've lived with my mums family all my life, and only see my dads during holidays) that she can turn around and say "who the hell are you to tell me what to do?" it's like, a relationship of convenience between us.

when she wants something, she'll be loving. i dream up these ideas in my head and when they don't turn into reality i just give up.

*sigh*

i just don't know... (haha now i'm sounding like her!)