UN-INSPIRED, UN-MOTIVATED, I JUST WANNA STAY IN BED

the title says it all. i'm worried about school. what tha wuk was i doing during the first semester?! shit all really. daydreaming. just doing the bare minimum. i personally don't care if i have to keep coming back to finish it off (like over 2 yrs lmao.. ok i do) BUT i really really HAVE to graduate next year coz nthe famz have their heart set on it. like honestly. they're on my back about school 24-7.

i lack motivation sometimes because i lost doing it for myself along time ago. now, i'm just finishing for the good of the family. if i had my way, i would've been long gone. where? i dunno. but, i would've just worked and travelled. that peice of paper really matters to them. awesome.

i lack inspiration sometimes because palmy lacks in the creativity department, people think they're "different" but honestly. they're pretty much all mainstream sheep.

staying in bed is such an easy thing to do. i could stay there forever. so much easier to snuggle up on the drizzly mornings than get up and go to school. especially because i'm not doing so good at school at the moment. i pissed around in the first half of the year and it's so not good for my situation at the moment.

i've failed afew assignments and used all my resubmits for the year. so if i fail anymore i'm out. (we've got 4 big assignments to go before the end of the year) i've been working my ass off but shit, no pressure or anything. i do not admit to stress. i try and laugh it off when people ask me. i pretend everything is alright when it's not.

i am the happy go luck girl. the one that everyone's parents want them to be like. the one that people are envious of coz she doesn't seem to have any problems. the one that always see the bright side. the one that mothers say "i wish my son would bring home a girl like you". the one that tells everyone that everything will be alright.

but really...

i'm the one that has to keep her nose clean, because i'm a reflection of my family and can't tarnish their good name. i'm the one who can't tell anyone, anything because i can't be certain that it won't get out to other people.

wuk tha world. haha sometimes, you can't rely on anyone but yourself. that's me girl.