WHY AM I SINGLE?!

i randomly found this on BGITC's blog, and then clicked the link to miss brown's my space where she has an up-dated version of why she's single. and OMG i tooootally relate to the things this woman says! (and was suprised to find out she's also samoan! woop! woop! haha) here you go-

Why I'm Single!

If I had a dollar for every time I was asked, "Why don't you have a man?" I could easily put everyone's kid through college.


Working in Atlanta's "Black Hollywood" as a young, single female with morals, I face my own set of challenges. However, I never imagined dating would be so high on the list. I have come to realize, just because the industry glitters, doesn't mean its hardly golden! While I wouldn't trade my industry experiences for anything in the world, I will admit, it takes a new-age Nancy Drew to crack the millions of mysteries that come with this package deal.


When my dating scene went from bad to worst, I began to ask myself, Why am I single??? As I experienced dating deal breaker after dating deal breaker (DDB), I began to keep record of them in my blackberry to see if I could get to the bottom of my own rhetorical questions.


In the beginning, I thought it was me. I constantly made excuses why my dating life was on a path of self-destruction. Had I become a bad man-magnet? I considered everything from where I lived (outside the city) to the extra 10lbs I gained, but once I moved downtown and lost 25lbs, things still didn't change!


I then asked myself, was it really me?

Now, I'm far from perfect, but I know who I am, and more importantly, I know what I want. I have standards that I'm not willing to lower or compromise. While I realize, I won't be every man's "perfect 10", I stand tall by my personal beliefs and I refuse to cut corners and settle for wack plea bargains. Life's way too short to be complacent with convenience or settle for mediocrity.


I have stopped asking myself, "Why am I single?" because the answers I was looking for were before me, and as clear as a cloudless day.


Let's begin...


I'm single because I have an amazing son who soaks up everything like a sponge, and I haven't met too many men who would leave an impression on him I would be proud of.


I'm single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.


I'm single because in the words of Kanye West, I'm a "single black female addicted to retail" and I enjoy spending money on over-priced jeans or designer handbags that I'm only going to tote for a season. I spend my OWN money because I never want to feel indebted to a man because he bought me something.


I'm single because I'm stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards in the midst of this "D.L. epidemic".


I'm single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to date a man who lacks it. Swag is simply the ability to communicate self-confidence verbally and non-verbally. If you can't do that, I can't do you!

I'm single because my vision is incredibly big, and my man has to understand the movement, and have his own vision as well.
A good man will compliment me, not complete me.


I'm single because I'm quick witted and extremely driven. I refuse to date a "slow lane" dude. In fact, I prefer my man to drive at a faster speed than I do, so I'm challenged by his speed and inspired to "keep up".


I'm single because I will never allow a man to make me feel like I'm anything less than fabulous. Even when my skin isn't perfect, my waist line isn't the smallest and my booty isn't the biggest... I'm still absolutely and incredibly fabulous!


I'm single because I have an amazing Daddy who raised me well; because of him, I know what a stand up dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, his woman and his household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.


I'm single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men can't handle the fact I'm around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7. In this entertainment industry, these men are simply my "co-workers", no need to feel threatened by the people I have to work with.


I'm single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don't always want to be the "driver". I like riding shotgun and watching my man do his thing behind the wheel. However, my man will never have to worry about my ability to drive, when he's too tired or unable, I'll be there to hold him down.


I'm single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have egos that need to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel empowered, looking down upon independent women. Quite honestly, I don't need another daddy; I need a man who doesn't feel threatened by my aggressiveness. If I respect you, I will never question who wears the pants. If I don't respect you, I'll wear the pants, the belt and kick you out of the closet!


I'm single because my male mentors expose me to things most men can't, like fine dining and traveling to new places some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would NEVER expect a man to attempt to keep up with another, but it's a state of mind. I need my man to WANT to expose me to new things. Teach me something I don't already know; show me something I haven't already seen. If you can't physically or financially do that, be able to do it mentally, it does count.


I'm single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance. Zero! I skate out on the first sign of ignorance without looking in my rear view. Ignorance is a character trait and almost impossible to change. Yep, sad but true, it is what it is.


I'm single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the majority of men these days have no idea where they're going... And I'm supposed to follow you???


I'm single because I will not sweat or stalk you, regardless of how gorgeous or successful you might be... I've got pride and a great life! I'm not afraid to walk without you because I came into this world walking solo with God. Happily, I'll go out the same way!


I'm single because I choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you drive a flashy car, rock $500 designer jeans or have an icy watch and chain to match. Often times, that's all you've got... these 4 things.


I'm single because I'm attracted to the hip hop culture and often times shy away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I'm addicted to swagger. I swear, it's not my fault!!


I'm single because sometimes I'd rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at 3 am, 5 days a week... You have to be something EXTRAORDINARY to make me sacrifice my R & R.


I'm single because I was taught the difference between personality and character and I need a man with character. Your personality can change depending on what side of the bed you wake up on, your character won't change. Character is what you will do when no one is looking and when no one is keeping score. My integrity, humility and compassion define my character, what define yours?


I'm single because I'd sometimes rather hang out with my fabulous girlfriend's then play the "get to know you" game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?


I'm single because I don't want to inherit your baby mama drama. My son's father is one of the most unselfish men I've ever met. I thank God I don't have parenting drama. Hmmm, now exactly why would I want yours?


I'm single because I have a spirit of fearlessness and my man has to be just as fearless and understand that God didn't put the spirit of fear in any of us. A good man will encourage you to dream big because "impossible" isn't an option in his world.


I'm single because some men are intimidated by my profession. I'm a radio producer, that won't change when the clock strikes twelve. I figured out my purpose in life and I'm on a mission that goes far beyond the tangible things in life.


I'm single because I was taught life is much like a theater and I'm the superstar on stage! I have the ability to determine who sees my performance and who is so privileged to sit in my VIP front row. My "front row" people won't let just any man sit next to them. My front row people have my best interest at heart and I trust them with my life!


I'm single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I'm a good girl, if that doesn't make you want to make me number one, I keep it moving.


I'm single because I don't want to meet your kids on the second or third date, just because you date, doesn't mean your children do too... I need a man who understands how important it is to protect our easily influenced, overly exposed children.


I'm single because I think male groupies are the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they see it in themselves. It's disgusting.


I'm single because I understand, what God has for me, is for me. There's no need to solicit applications and rush to fill the position, my business is always booming, with or without a man!


I'm single because I realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the benefits of the many blessings I've received. If I were the same chick and working at the corner Shell station, you wouldn't be this pressed! Daddy didn't raise no dummy, Playa!


I'm single because the most important men in my life told me, I deserve the best, and now, it's the ONLY thing I'll settle for.


I'm single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult to my intelligence.


I'm single because I run at the first sight of a "red flag". I have an incurable syndrome called "quick-to-cut-him-off" and my intuitions have never let me down. Surprisingly, men suffer from insecurities and psycho behavior too.
Funny, I coulda swore this was just a "girly thing"!!!


And again, I'm single because I have an extreme phobia for the down low. I need a man who digs women only...(just in case you missed this one the first time, I had to bring it back!)


But most importantly, I'm single because I CHOOSE TO BE.


I've never been the type who had to have a boyfriend.Clearly, after all of these years and only two real relationships, I had to learn how to do me and enjoy the qualities God blessed me with. I stopped looking for validation from others when I experienced God's incredible favor.


Let me keep it real though, working in this industry has completely changed my views about relationships and dating, and undeniably, it's one of the most complicated things I've ever taken part in.


Listen, I'm not your "angry black woman". I will never categorize you or blame you for another man's shortcomings. I'm so far from desperate and humorlessly, I WISH I had the time to decode the many intricacies of being a gold digger or a groupie!


Oddly enough, because this industry is such an international small circle of people and because life moves at such a rapid speed, you begin to appreciate the days when you get to wear your watch because it simply compliments your outfit, and not because it serves as a constant reminder of how "time-managed" and "schedule-driven" your life has become.


And when meeting someone, you learn to appreciate when you finally make it past the first few layers of the getting to know you game, we call "social networking".


If you're lucky, you'll realize who your ride or die friends are, and you'll establish a circle of life lines you'd give your right arm for and vice versa. Being comfortable with who you are makes it easier to realize when a "D.W.P" (dude with potential) crosses your path.


No, it certainly doesn't mean you jump at every handsome face and charming voice, but you get to a point when you present "the real you" from the commencement because it's the only thing you've got left.


You go into newly formed "situations" with no expectations. Your only promise?? A few coffee shop pow-wow's, a couple of casual lunches or possibly even an early-dinner when it's convenient for both.

Without fail, the 1st few attempts at connecting don't go through. In the beginning, you play phone tag until the score is tied and the constant blackberry emails and texts messages always end with several smileys and "LOL's". Secretly, blackberry flirting can easily be the highlight of any long day!


If nothing else, your curiosity peaks and you begin to wonder if his talk is as bold as his type! You even ask yourself, is this just game or could God have possibly blessed someone with this much swag?


Sometimes it works, most times it DOESN'T... It's the inevitable law of numbers - yes, even the numbers are now officially against you!


You conveniently blame it on an intense work schedule, because it's the easy let down and the fool-proof fall back plan that's guaranteed like the 1st and 15th!


But let's keep it real, you ALWAYS make time for things you really want to pop off!


And please believe, when the right one comes along, the un-compromising, damn near impossible schedule will all of a sudden become the, "you just name the time and place, and I'll make it happen" schedule! Oh boy!


Magically, you make time you didn't even know you had and live life on the edge by rolling the dating dice like you were Vegas' Queen Bee!


Laughing, we both know, this is called, "futuristically optimistical" because it will happen... one day!


Yes, one day, it'll pop off and be so genuine, so authentic and so meaningful.

Yes, one day, he'll be "THE ONE", and the greatest thing about it is, the confirmation will be innate!


Unlike this glitzy industry we have grown to love, "THE ONE" will be so perfectly timed and not the least bit complex.


But until that exclusive day...

Continue to enjoy life, pray for patience and learn from the f' ups along the way.

Laugh at the inevitable mistakes you will make and understand every challenge plays a part in the "big picture"... Each day you get a little stronger.


Most importantly, you have to remember, being single isn't a curse!

It's a free pass to live life in the fast lane, question-free, baggage-free and FEARLESSLY!!!


And being single means you can pass go if you wanna and collect the $200 if you need to! And best of all, you don't even need a free pass to get out of jail, because it's YOUR world and the cell is kept unlocked!


So, take a stroll down Park Place and continue on to the Boardwalk! Let your hair down and kick your shoes off... Enjoy this good life and the blessings that came with it!


So, the next time a man asks you, "Why don't you have a man?"

Just smile and say, "Do you really have time to hear all the reasons why, or shall we just move on to a less cumbersome question?"


Love Always,
Nina Brown aka The Black Carrie Bradshaw


*Dedicated to the two men who have continued to tell me, I deserve only the best because I am highly favored & truly blessed, Frank Ski & Bobby Patterson. Thank you for being my rocks! Ride or die, today, tomorrow... FOREVER!


(check out her blog- http://www.myspace.com/peninabrown)