i'm sorry that my mum is a useless daughter to you and would prefer to serve her bff's family more loyaly than to you. i'm sorry that she's not even subtle about it either. i'm sorry that she still depends on you financially to fund her social life so she can actually keep up with her bff and spend lavish weekends away. i'm sorry that neither of us moved in to keep you company when grandad died. i'm sorry that you're trying to make sure you'll be financially stable so that you can retire in the next few months. something that you wanted to do years ago, but decided not to, so that you could still support mumzy in the fantasy world she lives in, and put me through school. i'm sorry if you feel alone because we're so far away, and even though mumzy vists you once a week, she's only there in body and not mind&sprit. (and we ALL know that she don't wanna be there... except when she needs money of course.) i'm sorry that you might have to sell the house that you first bought with grandad when you both got married and moved into together in the mid 50's. i'm sorry that i'm not a good granddaughter in the samoan traditional sense. because by now, i would have a full time job, and be looking after YOU. not you still looking after me. encouraging me to dream, and then pursue them. normal samoan grandmothers would never do that. and especially since i'm the eldest born, and that yo bought me up. i should really be in the work force, making money for you. paying for you. living for you. but i'm not. and i'm sorry. i'm sorry that you've never made me feel guilty in any way for all the things i currently feel guilty for. i'm sorry that i didn't study business and marketing like you wanted, but seriously. you'd be waiting another century for me to graduate if i had. i know that in your opinion art is not a real job, but i thank you for letting me do it anyway and taking an interest in it. even when everyone elses grandchilddren seemed to be studying law, business, or medicine. if i won lotto, i'd give it all to you and not ask for a cent. but i don't even play lotto, so there's not much of a chance of that happening is there? i'm sorry for lots of things, but just know that i love you like you couldn't believe and i'd be utterly lost without you. i basically owe you everything. i know you're more of an actions speak louder than words person, but i'd just like to say "i-love-you". not sure how to show it, but it'll come to me.
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