YES, I AM..

yes, i am in a lull.

yes, i am creating distance between us.

yes, i am sulking.

yes, i am not listening to you justify your reasons for saying it.

yes i am confused as to which direction we are now headed (thought your apparent explanation was mean to clear the whole thing up, make it all better, and make it all go away.

yes, i may have even let this cross my own mind waaaay at the beginning.

but it was YOU who planted the seed which has now spread like vicious poison inside me.

i said it had once crossed my mind. but i never actually verbalised it. hello! have you not read the secret?

THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS.

LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.

you are the one who has put it "into the universe". so if it falls apart, it's all on you.
you decided to make your bed. now fucken lie in it.

there is no way that anyone is going to have an epiphany and realise that they are 'young' and perhaps the 'want to go overseas' (that's my dream asshole), and perhaps 'at the end of this year we need to re-evaluate where we are' and 'take a break' .

when all that bull shit was pouring out of your mouth what i really wanted to say was FUCK YOU. followed by FUCK OFF. nobody takes a fucken break from me!

instead, i actually considered it (i know like, wtf?) and then i took into consideration that he was quite intoxicated (shouldn't be an excuse though).

a hundred or nothing. that used to be your motto. what happened?

thank you so so much for making me feel like the last 19 months were a complete joke to you and a waste of my time and effort after all that we've been though.

i was very serious about the fact that what you said will (and already has) make me slack off. seriously, why bother if you've voiced your thoughts on a possible break? once again FUCK YOU.

now you listen and you listen good. FIX IT. don't just say you're 'sorry' because you 'didn't mean it like that'. you're always fucken sorry. i've even told you that i'm sick of hearing that you're sorry 'coz you say it so much. start SHOWING IT. show me how sorry you are. SHOW ME that you didn't mean it like that.

i miss you. well, i did. or maybe i still do? it's hard to tell. i'm slacking off and kind of giving up little by little on "us".