is definitely not kids.. but i'm going to do it anyway, because just like an annoying little kid who is throwing a tantrum at the supermarket and you just wish their parent would slap them, this subject had been in the back of my mind- (annoying me and i'm looking around for someone to slap it to shoosh and go away) lolz
so yesterday i found out on the wonderful world of crackbook (aka facebook..) get it? it's as addicitve as crack.. (says she who has actually never been under the influence of crack, let alone touched or seen it any shape of form). where was i going with this.. oh yea! crackbook right.
yesterday i found out that not only was my cousins gf pregnant, but she had the kid yesterday. i wasn't sure if i should be sad at the fact that everyone neglected to tell me she was expecting and i found out randomly via social networking about something quite significant, or that now i'm the last one standing in our "crew" (my cousins and i were all tight growing up together). as in, i'm childless (their sister, who was banished from our crew because she was way too girly & who is younger than me has like, 3 kids!)
does no-one bother with contraception these days? is it out of sheer lazyness? are people that desperate that they go to the extream and have a "keep a nigga baby"? or do they actually wanna do this whole parenting thing right now?
i did the little crackbook stalk and clicked through the photos and shuddered. am i bad person for that? hmm. most probably. but i couldn't help but be grossed out coz the kid was all wrinkly and shit & had all these tubes coming outta it's face & had all these wires attatched to its hands and feet and chest. i was also grossed out at the fact that i'm pretty sure that this kid was a keep a nigga baby and in all honesty i highly doubt that my cousin would most probably not change is "playa" ways.
i couldn't help but think "what a waste", considering not only was his gf incredibly hot, but she was also really smart.. however incredibly dumb for still being with him. when will people get the message that having a kid does not provide any type of solution to a failing relationship? it actually adds to it times a zillion.. stupid asses!
then it got me thinking to my close friends from high school. once again i was the only childless one. on our road trip i could finally contribute to the conversations about our "partners" *shudder* (i loathe using that word.. it's like for 40yr olds who aren't married lmao) but i had nothing to contribute when the topic turned to "he's such a great dad.." & "my son/daughter does this.." did i feel left out? HELL NO! but i definitly felt that i was not ready for kids right now.
my engaged friend was asking all sorts of questions to my married friend (and the one who's wedding we had road tripped to vegas for) in regards to planning the wedding, do's and don'ts, change in the relationship after the ceremony etc etc etc.. and even though i'd be lying if i said i don't even wanna get engaged or married one day (the concept is very nice according to tv & the movies i watch lolz) i really don't feel i'm ready for that either.
am i missing out? perhaps. however, i don't think so. it's all very nice going to other peoples baby showers, engagement parties, & weddings. but i feel that when i eventually get to that stage (whenever that may be) i know i will do it bigger and better than everyone who did it before me. (sorry.. but it's true) lolz. i'm learning from your mistakes.. (thank you for making them!)
for now i'm pretty content with where i'm at (even though this year has not gone to plan... understatment of the century!) it's showed me that in adverse times i'm able to get through the bullshit that life has to throw at me. for the moment my friend boy & i will enjoy every expensive meal that comes our way hahaha kids? hell no! not right now. there's too much i have to do.
